31 May 2004---8:17p

Happy Memorial Day.

When I have Special K in bed, I hope it's clear that I mean I enjoy the Kellogg's Red Berrier variety rather than chemicals meant to sedate a horse.

Drugs are for fools (including methylenedioxymethamphetamine, jerk). Mr. T taugh me that. Drink you milk! Eat your vegetables! Stay in school!

29 May 2004---12:49p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Rip Offs "Got a Record"

S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y

Slept in until 11:30a followed by Special K in bed.
Little white bumps on the back of my throat.
Drove my husband to work.
My Space, e-mail, instant messaging.
Downloading The Popular Shapes.
Cleaning up Don Gato's puke.
Quick nap (to soothe the sore throat).
The grooming process.
Kent to Clevo.
Vanilla cake batter flavored ice-cream.
Punk Rock Garage Sale in Tremont.
Mashed potatos and maccaroni and cheese.
The 5 O'Clock in Lakewood w/ Switchblade & Brodie.
Beer!!
Tessa Marie Faith Kinney??
Switchblade: wasted yet enetertaining.
Listening to the Blackout CDs on the drive home.
Join my husband in the bed.
Throat still hurts.

27 May 2004---10:02p

After being woken from a slumber by a carefully orchestrated series of knocks, Brodie and I parked the Psychobilly Van-bulance in the Kent Taco Bell parking lot for an hour and sat around chatting and listening to moldy oldies like Bland, West Virginia rednecks. They were swell enough to give us 2 free Mexi Melts and a Diet Coke, no kidding, and it was the most fun I've had in at least 3-6 weeks.

27 May 2004---9:01a

Nobody can fight like I do. I take the cake. And I've grown to appreciate fighting. At least when things get heated, people tell you what they REALLY think of you.

I'm also a pro at ensuring that when everything has turned totally rotten all around me, I am fully capable of simultaneously making people mad, causing fights pointed in my direction. It's quite an art.

And I thought I'd never have any skills! I'm going to stick my head in the ground for the next 2 weeks until all the fallout has settled. Maybe I'll emerge a mutant.

Thank God for the Nekromantix! *actually, thank them for nothing because as of 5:26p, I'm not going in order to avoid a blowout*

25 May 2004---9:46a

The following was lifted from yesterday's edition of my myspace.com blog because I was too lazy to be creative twice. Please forgive and enjoy!

Today was my 1st day of tattoo instruction. I learned how to:

---scrub and bag "tubes".
---use the autoclave.
---make, prepare the skin for, and apply stencils.
---put the tattoo machine together.
---comfortably hold the machine while stretching the skin.

I also organized "flash" and did about 15 line drawings. I realize that great conflict is coming my way as I think I have found "a path" and could tattoo happily for the rest of my life. However, I will never be able to afford health care, car insurance, a baby (certainly not more than one baby and twins seems to run in the mix), or the die-hard support of anyone related to me (and I mean ANYONE). My head is going to effin' fall off.

I also learned that girl tattoo artists are like retarded people. They may be in the special olympics but they're still retarded...or something like that. I knew it was a boy's club going into it. I also knew that boys have nuts and I will happily kick them right the fuck off into outerspace. Now who's retarded?

I also bought Avon cosmetics. I am always happy to support a new friend.

My husband will not put me down or make fun of me for being a girl who wants to be a tattoo artist...at least, he won't do it out loud.

A broken nose is a many splendored thing. This guy's face just exploded, it was like a rainbow, but all the colors were red.

Thank you, Henry.

23 May 2004---9:06a

Whoever compared the midwest to an armpit has obviosuly never been to the Bahamas. I could have just set 0+ on fire in my own living room while spending quality time with the gals. At least I wouldn't have had to drive a bazillion hours/miles, been seasick, or sizzled in the sun. But what's done is done. I am back in stinky Clevo (riotcity Kent if you want to get specific) where I belong and I've already hit the Loft AND Taco Tantos. Why-o why-o why-o did I ever leave Ohio?

Ack! Ack! Ack!

The next 3 weeks are what I would like to call "Hell Visits Kent Ohio In Order To Rape the Mind of a Young Girl". Motoring to and from Clevo to "nanny-it-up" 2 days-a-week, followed by 3 hours of class 5 days-a-week (World Politics, there's mind-rape right there), followed by my tattoo lessons 3 days-a-week. Then we have the equally as stressful 5 week sequel titled "Hell Stops the Rape but Still Keeps Poking the Girl With a Hot Fork" which still consists of the nany situation and a 1 day schedule of tattoo lessons but makes things interesting but cramming 3 classes into 4 days-a-week. most likely making me lose all bladder control and experiencing Night Terrors. In summary, I expect to be pampered by all for the next 8 weeks, you got that?

The season final of Gilmore Girls made up for the entire shitty season. It also made me hot-n-bothered. YEEHAW!

15 May 2004---9:30a

Thank all the green beans in Heaven, I FINALLY made it home from Chicago, no joke, 5 minutes ago. Chicago is a total dump (no Cleveland jokes, please) and I'm going to make it a point to avoid going back if at all possible. I've been there before...I don't remember it being quite so horrific so I must have brainwashed myself. The traffic was 10x more of the pits than on a Manhattan evening, there is no parking ANYWHERE, and the restaurants are just plain creepy!! We should have escaped when we had the chance and then maybe I wouldn't have gotten those Chicago spawned uterine cramps that put a damper on my evening.

Plus sides concerning the evening: The Reatards were PHENOMINAL and they played both "You're So Lewd" AND "Heart of Chrome" (the latter of which made me both very, very happy and very, very sad because it reminded me that my brain and heart are currently growing moldy with grief). Catholic Boys also massaged my errogenous zones but this was during the onslaught of stabbing pains in my womb so I probably wasn't as focused as I should have been. I was actually thinking about how there's no way I'm ever giving birth considering I can't handle some weird bout of alien cramps.

***This was just highly edited, as I knew if I left in what I had, I'd end up being the bad guy. I'm sad and lonely and sick of feeling so shitty enough as it is. I don't need to hear about how bad I make someone else in particular feel. After all, I'm supposed to be able to "get passed this". 12+ hours of driving provides a lot of thinking time.***

13 May 2004---9:47p

So bright and early tomorrow, Switchblade and I are hittin' the dusty trail only to wind up at the Horizontal Action Blackout in sunny Chicago! I wish more people were going to be in our convoy, joining in on this ultimate of rock-n-roll experiences. I also wish I didn't get my jeans so dirty because if I'm not wearing denim pants, I fear I may stick out. In jeans, I'm just another face in the crowd. Regardless, this is going to be my first rockin' summer show and I will reprt back with all the gorey details that keep you fiends fed.

My Kent State transcript is embarrassing.

Brodie and I are starting our band 2 weeks from Sunday (hey, we can push practice back 2 weeks since we're been pushing it back for TWO MILLION YEARS!!). We've decided to write our first song about the man who planned on running for mayor of Parma and turn it into a hub of destruction (Tostidos presents the Microsoft City of Parma, anyone?) despite having a "REJECT" tattoo, Bob Carpenter, and we plan on naming it after some dude who played football against the Nazis. Earl somebody. Go Earl! Yah Earl!

I'm going to be on the road to international waters soon. If I don't come back, please throw all my CDs and records into the ocean and lable my tombstone "No Grave But the Sea", eventhough I am not a sailor.

11 May 2004---8:53a

For your viewing and eventual listening pleasure, here is your summer concert update as of today. Don't let the summer find you sitting on your couch watching mindless television, relieving yourself into condoms (and that's not a personal stab at anyone inparticular). Put your dancin' shoes on! And AWAY WE GO!!!

May 27th @ The Agora: Nekromantix, Horrorpops, The Business
May 29th @ The Baltimore Science Center: They might Be Giants
June 9th @ Lime Spider: Hank III
June 10th @ Beachland Ballroom: Reverend Horton Heat
June 12th @ Lime Spider: Lords of the Highway
June 24th @ Pirate's Cover: This Moment In Black History
June 26th @ Beachland Ballroom: cave Catt Sammy, The Wailin' Elroys
July 2nd @ Promowest Pavillion: They Might Be Giants
July 6th @ Blossom: KISS and Poison
August 6th @ TCA: Huey Lewis
August 29th@ TCS: Hall and Oates

Additions shall be made as they develope. Companions for any of the above shows will be needed so feel free to volunteer your company. ENJOY YOUR ROCKIN' SUMMER!!

10 May 2004---7:09p
HAPPY "27th" BIRTHDAY DAVEY LOOMER!!

I love you, TMFK!! Let's see if you can decode THAT!!

Lauren Graham was on a re-run of Conan O'Brien today talking about how she chickened out from getting a tattoo and then she asked Conan if he has any to which he replied, Yes. I have 'Air Supply Rules'. That's what happens when you get tattooed in 1979. I'm sure you will have no trouble realizing how this whole situation and all it's components practically had me lactating, which is impossible. Air Supply, Conan, and Lauren Graham have the ability to make the impossible possible and that's FOXY!

I can't stop singing "Hot Freaks" by Guided By Voices to the tune of "Love Stinks" by J. Geils Band.

This time next week, I'll be on a big effing ship in the Bahamas wearing a huge black hat and brown tinted sunglasses drinking some fashionable umbrella drink posing as a wealthy woman from Greece. I'd like to be called Nikoleta for the duration of the trip. And for God's sake, stay out of the Bahamas at night because that's when "the natives" come out and then you're just plain screwed.

I have to interject to mention that I like "All Downhill From Here" by New Found Glory so much that I don't care what you say.

I will admit that I'm having some emotional issues with this upcoming trip considering this was a replacement for the scheduled May vow-renewal (which was cancelled due to my husband leaving me despite the vows we took and all). I can't change the fact that it still stings and I can't help thinking that I let him waltz back into my life way too easily. 2 people I know just got engaged after 10 days and are all giddy and slap happy about it and in the back of my mind I keep thinking that they're DOOMED! I was all goofy about getting married after such a short period of time and it BLEW UP IN MY FACE and left me with some heavy duty scars (such as a total lack of trust) that I might never get over. But who knows? Maybe it will all work out fine for them and they'll live happily ever after as soulmates. And maybe I'll grow wings and fly to Zanzibar to start a new life doing Taxidermy.

On Friday I will be in Chicago with Switchblade seeing The Reatards which is something I never thought that I would do so my engine is revving. Try not to be too jealous. We can't all be this cool. But if you listen to "Many Rivers To Cross" by Jimmy Cliff, you may get an upgrade.

7 May 2004---7:30p

Oh my GOD! It's the lead singer of the Hurricanes!! Woot! Woot! Hey! There are 2 of my ex-boyfriends!! Woot! Woot! I have a PBR pin and you don't!! Woot! Woot! Hot dogs and hot cock!! Woot! Woot! Weiner up my butt, gotta get it out!! Woot! Woot!

I don't want to get all goofy on you but I have a crush...on my husband. Don't tell anyone. It's very grade school. We have a date tonight which consists of movies in the bed, my favorite kind of night. I think we need it, to be honest. Seeing each other a little before and after work isn't my idea of quality time, ya dig? Anyway, hubba hubba!

I FALL TO MY KNEES!! Woot! Woot!

To anyone out there that has the desire for a nice quick read about music, pick up the Entertainment Weekly with Spider-Man on the cover and flip to the back. Thanks to a tip-off by The Knife, I was just throughly rocked by an article Stephen King wrote about "coutry being turned on it's X" and breeding an insane and untapped unground rockabilly scene. The article was based on his loathing for American Idol and the cookie-cutter pop music it spawns and I was thrilled to hear that in his spare time, he chooses to kick back to rockabilly on his XM satellite radio. I have just gained new respect for the man and am downloading the albums he recommended as we speak! You should do the same.

Woot! Woot!

6 May 2004---9:36a

For breakfest, I will be serving up 1/2 a Skor bar, 4 Olive Garden after dinner mints, 3 condoms from Planned Parenthood, and a Meidcal Mutual insurance card covered in notes I took at an Anti-Bush rally on Tuesday. It may not sound healthy, but I'm sure it will be mind-blowingly delicious and thigh fattening.

The following is a list of things I learned at the Beat Bush rally at the Beachland (which featured a top-notch performance by This Moment In Black History and a short film presented by the Perfect Guy which inspired Brodie and I to make are own art film set to music this summer):

---I have what I like to call an "Eric Davidson complex" which means I don't like when band memebers leave the stage and get dangerously close to me as if they might specifically make contact with my person. Personal Space Invaders with instruments, if you will. This developed from seeing New Bomb Turks and having Eric Davidson leave the stage to pick his own nose with my hand.

---According to CK1, "We cannot fall for a banana-in-the-tailpipe during this year's election".

---I am far too lazy to get involved. Supposedly this is why change never takes place...due to my individual laziness. I am active and involved about things that excite and interest me but politics and political activism do not fall under that umbrella. I may hate Bush but I hate politics more. Give me an easy chair any day. Oh, I should add that I also don't jump to get involved because I don't want to embarrass myself of anyone else. ***insert Radical Cheerleads here***

---When I call The Knife pretending to be a representative from Planned Parenthood, my fake name will be Edna Jerkins.

---My good pal Switchblade accumulate over 20 free condoms not with the intention of protecting himself during his sexual escapades, but rather to create easy clean-up for late night or ealry morning rub-offs. This mass of free prophylactics was actually refered to as "a pocket full of jack-offs". Genius!

---Who loves vagina? Obviously this African-American woman who is screaming at the top of her lung about it. Pipe down, broad!

---I am going to dedicate 2004 as The Year of the Bad Haircut. Not for me personally but for every scenester-male I have come in contact with recently. Boys should NOT get GIRL HAIRCUTS! They are repugnant. There is this one fella who shall remain anonymous who not only has a trendy gal's haircut but it's the haircut where there as short spiney bangs which make it appear as if you are wearing a hair-beanie or your hair is actually trying to escape right off your head! Chicks dig hair. Chicks do NOT dig your hair.

---Halloweener. I don't know what this means. I know it was really only about Halloween but there was so much weiner talk that I got creative with the spelling. Remember, I took notes on my insurance card.

---I think I have hit that time in everyone's life where my crew will star heading their seperate ways. I never hear from the Knife anymore and it's difficult in getting him interested in routine hanging. When asking Brodie if I'd ever see him again (since he actually made a disgusted face when I mentioned a few plans for the weekend which hurt my feelings, not to mention he NEVER EVER asks me to do ANYTHING EVER), he ACTUALLY REPLIED, "I don't know". Miss Kinney has vanished into thin air and will join the ranks of Queen B and Byrne who have relocated which is similar to disappearing. Pretty soon Meg-Dog is going to have a fancy-shmancy, hoity-toity, awesome job that will occupy a majority of her already jam-packed shedule so she will actually have to use phrases like "I'll see if I can pencil you in" and "I'm totally booked". I guess I'll always have Swithcblade, and that's NOT a boobie prize as I've been having some truly rockin' good times with him lately...I just miss everyone else, wish people would include me in their plans every blue moon, and am dreading our impending disbanding. Getting old is lame.

Last night I had a dream about doing my first walk-in tattoo. It was very vivid. I woke up happy with my life.

4 May 2004---7:53p

I am not having an affair, Switchblade, no matter what you say. Stop reading this and stop saying "wake up". You have said "wake up" 7 times in the last minute and yes, that's a fact. As you have stated, we don't even NEED to go to the show.

Happy May 4th, y'all. Sure, it's not an occasion we should be commemorating with a feeling of joy and hyper-activity but I don't feel like being down in the dumps today. I've been up since 7:00a flaunting my education and I'm trying to keep some momentum going sand chemical help. I'm trying to "rally", as the kids say these days. After I indulge in some 12 oz. nutrition tonight, I might pretend to be that girl from the world famous Kent State photo. She wasn't even supposed to be here in Ohio! She was a hippie Florida runaway! Bummer.

I have lost the will to poop. I'm spending tomorrow in bed eating green beans.

1 May 2004---7:47p

The following template was borrowed/inspired by Little Erin:

10 Bands I've Been Listening To Lately:
1. They Might Be Giants
2. Me First and the Gimme Gimmes
3. Demented Are Go
4. Stray Cats
5. Driving Stupid
6. The Reatards
7. The Rip-Offs
8. Jimmy "Soul" Clarke
9. This Moment In Black History
10. Foo Fighters

9 Things To Look Forward To:
1. Graduating
2. Going to the Bahamas
3. Going to Chicago w/Switchblade to see The Reatards
4. Doing my first tattoo!!
5. Hall and Oates AND Huey Lewis live in Cleveland this summer
6. Moving out of Kent
7. More quality time with my accordian
8. My art show
9. ***secret***

8 Things I Like To Wear:
1. Creepers
2. Cuffed dark denim jeans
3. My nerdy glasses
4. Strapless 50s dresses
5. My "Square Dancing" shirt
6. My pink and black blazer
7. Fishnets
8. Duckie's dirty t-shirts

7 Things That Annoy Me:
1. Stupidity
2. Loud talkers
3. Personal space invaders
4. Female lead singers
5. Egomaniacs
6. Vegans
7. Bimbos

6 Things I Say Most Days:
1. Whatever.
2. How was your day at work?
3. God! Get away from me!
4. Yo!
5. Hey.
6. Later skater.

5 Things I Do Everyday:
1. Listen to tunes
2. Do computer stuff
3. Watch TV or DVDs
4. Paint/draw/sketch/doodle
5. Read

4 People I Want To Spend More Time With:
1. Duckie
2. The Rock-n-Roll Purgatory folks
3. Meg-Dog
4. The Wrath Pack!!

3 Movies I Could Watch Over and Over Again:
1. Clue
2. Saturday the 14th
3. The Goonies

2 of My Favorite Songs of the Moment:
1. "Horror Asparagus Stories" by Driving Stupid
2. "Take Me To Los Angeles" by Jimmy "Soul" Clarke

1 Person I Could Spend the Rest of My Life With:
1. Duckie

1 May 2004---2:42p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: They Might Be Giants "Indestructible Object".

Happy May Day, y'all! If you're planning to drunkenly trash brand new cars (of the BMW or Mercedes nature) or try and set a keg on fire (only to have shrapnel shoot into an innocent gal's face) in the city of Kent tonight, you're going to need major fuel and the BP is only selling beer until 10:00p. They're trying to stop you from doing the idiotic things (included by not limited to the above mentioned foolish events AS WELL AS drunk driving, of course) that tend to happen in this city on May Day. Are you going to let them?? I say HELL NO! Run wild in the streets for all I care...I'll be safe in Cleveland maintaining my dignity!

I say, getting to see a girl that makes me want to vomit blood clots all over my own favorite shirt get her drunken block knocked off made last nights boxing match far more worth it than I had initially expected. I love when people pretend to be "tuff" when all that fires them up is a good olf fashioned dose of liquid courage and they end up getting wrecked. Nothing tickles my fancy more than a fool being made a fool of...and I like to have my fancy tickled. VA-VOOM!

My husband did prove to me last night that he's harboring some unexplored manliness which I was not expecting! He didn't back down or pussyfoot once those gloves went on and he was undoubtedly the winner...all these score cards said so. And there was something about the post-fight sweat and blood that I found oddly attractive as well as horribly terrifying. Eventhough he was in one piece, walking and talking, I felt a strange pang of distress when I saw that my husband had a bloody nose and a bruise on his forehead. I guess the whole things was not as comedic as I had predicted! However, a certain select group of people that I precited wouldn't talk to me DIDN'T so my premintions are not compeletly a wash. This voluntary silence on my part is only going to lead to bad things but that's not my fault. The only person I have to live with and make happy is myself. Eff everyone else's noise!

I'd like to send a GET WELL message out to my pal, The Knife, who is having some serious digestive and nausea issues it would seem. Nothing is more "THE PITS" than being sick on a damn beautiful Saturday. Well, maybe having a hangover is worse because you're stuck in bed with a headache by your own hand. But still...I hope you feel better my friend and find yourself back in rockin' status in no time! While I'm at it, I might as well send a GET WELL message to my thighs. They are looking highly disappointing and are therefore making ME sick! I have 2 weeks to shape them up before Bahamas. Hide any and all chocolate covered pretzels in northeastern Ohio.

Rain + US Weekly + pajamas + evening plans = nap time, y'all!