30 June 2004---2:01p
MUSIC TO BLOG TO: They Might Be Giants "The Spine"

Get the Heeeeeeeeeeeeellllllll out June! I'm sick of ya!

That's right. I'm a bad girl. I downloaded TMBG's new album a few weeks before it's release date. Why? Because I do not posess what wise people call "patience". I am breaking the album's virginity at this very second and it's a thrill to say the least, the very least. It's been a long time since I stole virginity.

I asw a guy I had a crush on last night. He is now a wack-job. I'm glad that whole thing went nowhere or I might be Mrs. Wack-Job right now. I prefer being Mrs. Pirate.

My aunt and uncle live on a farm in the middle of nowhere, OH, and a few years back they had a campout. The Knife, Pirate and I went and I had a damn good time. They've decided to have it again this year in the perfect camping weathered month of October so if you feel like "roughing it" (example: they have beer AND they have a bathroom at their house but I opted to squat in the bushes rather than walk down a huge hill, passed a barn where I'm SURE murders have taken place, and back again giving a man in a hockey mask amle opportunity to KILL ME...which would be embarrassing with all the stored up urine), you should come. Good times were had by all!

My favorite episode of FUTURAMA was on last night. You smell like smoking! And drinking! Yeah, I had a few beers but I'm alright to drive. God bless you, Professor Farnsworth.

After browsing a knitting book I was buying for Meghan's birthday, I was interested enough to get one for myself. I made a scarf yesterday. It's pretty boss...a little on the short side. I'm wearing the tail string that I cut off like a Kabbalah bracelet. When it falls off, I will have achieved knitting zen. I'm starting on a blanket for my sister's new (and as yet unborn) baby...I should be able to get it done by the November arrival date, I think. Pirate bought all this internet space for a tattoo shop webpage, his own webpage, my own webpage...so I'm thinking that since I can get a scarf done in a few hours, maybe I'll sell them online. Maybe Meghan will want to go in on that, though she has a far busier and moe complicated life than mine. I have time to knit scarves all day like a big loser.

I can't stop thinking about pizza!

So many rockin' events coming up in the next few weeks. I believe I'll have to forfeit Heavy Rebel since I don't want to go all 3 days and have no one to travel with me (because all my friends hate me/traveling/and/or rockiabilly). It's a major bummer and I feel ultra glum about it but what's a girl to do? I'm sure I'll still have an ultra successful weekend. I like this less stressful, fight-free, ultra fun all the time lifestyle I've adopted. It makes me...and my husband...happier and more pleasant.

Ultra is the word of the day. Thank you and good night.

28 June 2004---6:46p

I am now officially an internet ordained minister and can perform weddings, funerals, baptisms, etc. I applied for kicks a week or two ago and my confirmation just came through. I had forgotten all about it. I'm pretty excited.

Someone wrote "I H8 Pussies" on my dry erase board.

Doesn't ANYONE want to go to Heavy Rebel with me on Saturday? Just Saturday to Sunday? Or Friday and Saturday? It would be a fun rockin' roadtrip, I swear it!! Think about it and get back to me! I'm flexible and I'm leaving from Ohio.

28 June 2004---1:32p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Belly "King"

I'm worried about TMFK. She's in a rocky boat right now. I'm sending her a "blog hug" because that is the lamest thing I could think to do right now.

Though I've said it before and though they DO present opportunities for hilarious situations to arise, I am throwing in my towel as a party hostess. The reigns are being passed to someone else so they can hold the burden of pre-party preparations, making sure everyone's having a good time and being throughly entertained, dealing with crazy "partiers" and "rockers" who "don't care" how obnoxious they're being, not to mention the inevitable aftermath in the morning. Don't get me wrong, I like a good drunken party as much as the next drunken guy and I've been the party foulee many a-time, but I think I want to be an invitee from now on. But thanks to everyone that came out on Saturday. I have a nice disproportionate picture of a Jewish man in my hallway (not to mention a pair of undies with "BAD GIRL" on the ass) to remind me of the good time we spent together ringing in Meghan's 26th!

There's a little bottle of Kryolan Eyeblood for theatre, film, and tv on my desk and it's really scaring the pants off me. I think it's the bright red eyeball logo that looks straight out of the 70s that's doing the trick. Yep. Effin' scary.

Yesterday was one of those rockin' good Sundays that brings me nothing but the warm fuzzies. Switchblade, Pirate and myself had a rad ass lunch at Benihana, sat around and read a graphic novel called "The Snakepit Book" together, and then went and saw "Dodgeball". I came home tired and with a gnarly stomach ache (I think it was the Japanese food coated with the buttery popcorn mixed with Snowcaps that I am famous for where movies are concerned....gurgle). Said stomach/headache caused me to cancel the tattoo appointment I had this morning, bummer city. I knew if I went, I'd get cranky and I'm not allowed to wig on Eric Starr like I can on my husband. I have to wear my "tuff hat".

When describing the early part of this decade, Switchblade refered to them as "The Early Oh's". I came close to urinating several times during the day upon remembering that. Good times. Good times. And MORE good times will present themselves this Thursday at the Splitlip Rayfield show. With Lords of the Highway opening, I have a pretty damn good shot of hearing "Tiger In My Tank" done by SOMEONE!

26 June 2004---8:15a

Thank sweet sandal wearing Jesus for all the help Meghan has given me in preparing for tonight's birthday-inspired social gathering. There's no way I could have pulled things together without her help since my chest feels like there's a sumo wrestler sitting on it. And I can't sleep!! I feel like I should be absorbing every free second I can with time spent in my bed but it's useless. Maybe I'll just appear extra drunk tonight which will be hard to distinguish from regular drunk, actually.

Beware of "Easy Lover" by Phil Collins!!

So Meghan and I both have rad knitting books now. She'll be MUCH better at it than me, no doubt. She'll really put her mind to it and keep focused and I'll probably shove a knitting needle up into my eye. I can dig it. I accept the wide degree of my foolishness. Either way, one of us will be making SOMEONE a knit Wonder Woman bikini and that person better wear it. That's all I'm saying.

Coffee-based beverages make my stomach sad but my nervous system HAPPY!

23 June 2004---8:03p

Guess who not only got an A on their Human Sexuality class but got 100%??? That's right: THIS GUY!!!

I guess my preoccupation with sex and sexual material finally paid off. In your FACE...that goes out to anyone who thinks it's immature when I laugh at the words "labia" and "testes".

Woot! Woot!

23 June 2004---4:05p

I won $75 in the lottery today. Pretty swanky. I can always use cash. I banked most of it after buying "Love Actually" on DVD, some chinese food, and a magazine. It pretty much made my day.

Went to the Beachland last night to see The Crawdads and The Shrill. Went to Sugar's afterwards and played the stand-up bass and banjo. Just holding the stand-up bass made me weak in the knees. Pirate claims he's getting one and that I am going to play it in his band with Ben. We'll see if that happens. It would be pretty kickin-rad if it did. I don't know what kind of band we are. We don't have a name. We don't have a singer. I dont't want to have to make any decisions. I just want to rock!

Who wants to come over and mop my floor for the party on Saturday? I could always use help cleaning and preparing. Help is welcomed.

21 June 2004---11:48a
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Tiger Army "III - Ghost Tigers Rise"

Birthday Party for Meg-Dog THIS SATURDAY. Mark your calendars.

First off, my total and utter apologies go out To Johnny Switchblade whom I unintentionally ditched last night. A possible trip to Cedar Point clouded my brain causing me to forget we had a date to see Popular Shapes at the Lime Spider. I feel like a toad. A HYPNOTOAD!! Luckily I have 2 opportunities to make it up to him when we see The Spits and The Lost Sounds (and that, my friend, is punishment enough!). So...sorry. I mean it.

Yesterday at Cedar Point was "Gay Day", no joke. I learned that gay men LOVE roller coasters and pink belts as well as bad bleach/frost jobs. Cedar Point not only changed their recipe for the peanut butter fudge but they also got rid of The Silver Dollar Cafe!! Pits. I also noticed that I have lost some of my guts in my old age. I used to be able to ride roller coasters over and over again and this time around, I FREAKED on the Gemini (which we all know is a pussy coaster) and had to be forced onto the Raptor (my favorite one).

And speaking of The Raptor, not only did some broad steal one of my shoes (I had to remove my flip flops before rididng), but I TOSSED MY COOKIES afterwards!!! Throwing up at theme parks is HUMILIATING! There are 8 million people in the bathroom so I had to be resourceful and remove the brown paper bag from the "sanitary napkin depository" and quietly puke french fries and cheese into it. Boss. Luckily, Pirate won me a stuffed fish to make up for it. I named it "Puke In the Lake" because I was throwing up when he won it and it is LA Lakes colors. I will call him pukey. Overall, it was a pretty rad day. Pirate is no longer a Cedar Point virgin. We rode: The Gemini, The Iron Dragon, Disaster Transport, The Raptor, The Racing Horses (my horse, "Ezra Will Eat Shit", won), The Mine Ride, The Monster, The Calypso, The Blue Streak, and a few other spinies.

Saturday was also pretty swanky. First, we got all dolled up and hit a wedding. The food was sooooooo good that I've been dreaming of the chicken ever since. We had a few drinks, posed for a few pictures, drank some drinks...it was nice. This was followed up by a good time at TMFK's. I love nothing more that sharing cheesecake with Meghan in the presence of a drunk birthday girl! I drank a 40 (ah, memories), rocked to some tunes, gave some gifts, and snoozed. I also helped make breakfest and by helped, I mean that I microwaved some under-cooked bacon, cracked some eges, and did this all so I would be the first in line to make a plate. I'm crafty!

And if we think way far back to Friday night, I must note that my weekend was killer all the way through. Meg-Dog came over and was forced into watching a psycho episode of Degrassi: The Next Generation. Then we relived high school by watching the Buffalo Tom episode of My So-Called Life. Chinese Food followed (I eat slow) which made us fat and happy as we watched Sex and the City as well as a Ted Leo DVD. I once had a brief e-mail relationship with Ted. When he stood next to me at a GBV show, I didn't have the guts to introduce myself. Meghan got drunk. I drove home. We ate string cheese...after the Ted Leo show, that is. After the Ted Leo DVD, no one was drunk. Meghan drove herself home. I fell asleep watching The Simpsons.

So there you have it. A 5 star weekend as declared by me! What do I have planned for this week? Shows on Tuesday and Thuesday, a Human Sexuality quiz, a paper on "10 Things I Would Do If I Woke Up With Male Genitals", homemade dinner tonight, and someone special's 26th birthday!!! This summer has been pretty kickin'. Pretty kickin' indeed!!

16 June 2004---8:29p

According to my archives, it was 1 year ago today that I had my nervous breakdown which eventually led to my husband running out on me. The entry was just a short paragraph but it really said/reminded me of a lot. God, what a shitty time.

I could dwell on this and feel rotten about the past but my husband just called and said he has a pesent for me so why bother? Things are good.

15 June 2004---9:55a
RIP Tessa's Dad

I should be at the funeral as we speak but car trouble has made that impossible, but we'll get back to that after more important messages. Yesterday was the calling hours for Tessa's dad and it was difficult for everyone all around, though mostly for her, I know. It was so hard to see her cry and at one point, I had to start a conversation about smoking just so I couldn't HEAR her cry in the distance. But she was a trooper, cracking jokes, being a wise-ass, talking about her boobies and drinking until she "pukes blue". I expected nothing less. Still, I know she's in a difficult place and I wish I could be there with her right now. Either way, I know she will pull through beautifully (*insert any Steel Magnolias reference here*).

For her dad: Now she walks these hills in a long black veil. She visits my grave when the night winds wail. Nobody knows. Nobody sees. Nobody knows but me. ---Johnny Cash.

I love my car and I probably haven't been as good to it as I could be...I felt the need to state that before the following: I HATE MY CAR!! I hate car trouble. I hate that my car will not GO! I hate that it has lost it's OOMPH! I hate that I have to make a lot of arrangements and pester a lot of people just so I can get it fixed. Not to mention that being a one driver household has officially hit "suck mode", especially in situations like this. I mean, we can NOT be without a car and yet, here we are. Pits. Total pits. Hopefully it will all be solved tonight so we're not screwed 2 days in a row.

Brodie's party was a SMASHING success if I do say so myself. I could go into a lot of drunken and gorey details but most of y'all were there, whether you remember it or not. These notes are basically for posterity, for me to remember that I got wasted abd wore 1970s "honies" while rockin' out to Journey with strangers. The bottom line: Brodie had a party...I went...I drank a ton...I had a blast! I am sad that I missed out on 2 bouts of projectile vomit that resembled a fountain. That would have been an ultra special ending to an already infamous evening! Luckily, I have TMFK's party in less than a week which offers a second opportunity for someone to entertain me by expelling their insides. Can you dig it?

I start Human Sexuality today. I'll keep you all up to date on what I'm being educated about. Wear condoms! Never put odd objects in your mouth! Girls CAN have orgasms! YIPPY!

12 June 2004---1:14p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Exploding Hearts "Guitar Romantic"

HAPPY EFFING BIRTHDAY BRODIE!!

I can't wait to be 26 not only because I want to be just like Brodie but because due to the laws of aging, I will no longer be 25 which is the pits! Regardless, whenever I rustle up a phone call with Brodie, I go effin' nuts! Ballistic, if you will, and my sobriety is usually called into question. We have dubbed this phenomenon "phone marijuana". I like phone marijuana far more than regular marijuana because everything that comes out of my mouth is both hilarious and brilliant and it does far less damage to my brain and lungs. Brodie is my favorite drug and today is the day that my favorite drug popped out of a vagina 26 years ago. Cheers!

Today my husband bought a knife that flips out of a pair of brass knuckles at a church yard sale. Everything about this statement should be mind boggling as well as fascinating. The "brass knifles", as they shall be called, are totally useless as if you punched anything with them, the shady metal would shread your hand beyond repair and probably cause Tetanus. I think owning this marvel of modern weaponry is just a good excuse to posess something ridiculous.

Make your own day. Watch this:
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/schfiftyfive.html

I'm helping to play matchmaker which is always a good way to spend my time. I don't think I'll actually have to do much work outside of dropping hints now and again. I think Spring Fever and PBR will pretty much take care of the rest. I like when I say "I hope so-and-so hook up" out loud and it ends up heading in that direction. It makes me feel like my goals are being accomplished. Anyway, the couple in question would be a good match as I think this little filly could use a good dose of a good guy for a change...but this is all just my opinion which means nothing to anyone but me! Still, I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the sparks continue to fly, at least through the summer. There's nothing like a good summer romance!

Circa 29 hours until Par-tay de Brod-ie (picture that as sounding as foreign and glamerous as possible). I said I was going to wear a t-shirt with the word "titties" on it. Brodie said he's going to wear a shirt with the words "Disco, motherfuckers" on it. Disco comma motherfuckers. I was alerted during my dance with the phone marijuana that "the bomb has been armed", which is exactly what I like to hear. Sure, Brodie's liver and/or spleen may have officially exploded but that liver and/or spleen are 26 as of today. We've got to celebrate them making it this long by helping them get closer to the grave. I told Brodie I would be positioned directly under the keg...but not UNDER the keg. Wink!

11 June 2004---12:38p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Reverend Horton Heat "Lucky Seven"

Per usual, I was totally blown away by the Reverend Horton Heat and his stellar live performance last night. It was the best I've ever seen him, hands down. I was totally riled up all night, let me tell you! My dancin' shoes were on fire by the time I left. The Rev is an amazing entertainer and if you haven't seen him live, whether you like rocka/psychobilly or not, I can't stress enough how much you should! You're missing out on one of the biggest most rockin' parties you could ever POSSIBLY be invited to!

But I'll be honest, I was slightly miffed about having to make an exit before the encore and I'm kicking myself for just not going alone/driving separately (which I didn't do because I wanted to be in the company of my pals). I mean, I know I don't have a job or an early morning obligation (or anything in my life that anyone finds important besides me) like my companions did, but The Rev is my FAVORITE live act and I shelled out 20 clams for an evening that was cut short. But majority rules, I guess. I had been counting down the days to that show and I drove home feeling miserable. I guess I'll just have to make a mental note of these things to insure future happiness.

Songs From My Song List That Made the Show Cut:
Bales of Cocaine
It's Martini Time
Loco Gringos Like a Party
Baddest of the Bad
Big Sky
Wiggle Stick
In Your Wildest Dreams
Galaxy 500
I Can't Surf
The Devil's Chasin' Me
Five-O Ford

Now that I look at this list, I'm even more upset about not stickin' around for the encore. I bet dollars to donuts that they would have played "Bad Reputation" and "One Time For Me" but I guess this shall remain a mystery! I keep pulling hairs out of my head wondering if I should just suck it up and go to Columbus tonight to see him. It's one of those decisions that is making me both cry and feel sick to my stomach. I'm sure I'll end up staying home since I want to be top-notch for the Lords of the Highway show that I'm going to kick it at tomorrow night. I'm going solo, sugar, but I bet I'll have a rockin' time especially if I wear my cowboy hat! YEEEEEEEHAW!

In sadder and less rock-n-rolly news, my deepest sympathy and xoxoxox go out to TMFK who lost her Dad early yesterday. She is the first friend I've had that has lost a parent. I don't like how real and final that seems to make life. It makes you realize that people are getting older and that bad things happen every day. I do not envy her at all at this time in her life, especially when everything is happening right around her birthday. But she is much stronger than she knows and she will get through this with flying colors. I love you, TMFK, and I'm here for you for whatever you need me for!!!

Loco gringos like a party with five bales of HAY!
Jumpin' in the dumpster with Pepe, OLE!
Loco gringos like a party and they like their women firm.
And when they drink tequila they fight for the worm!

9 June 2004---3:58p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: The Dicks "1980-1986".

"Ritual Self-Abuse" makes you t-u-f-f. You don't think so? Just try and challenge me on that.

I don't know what the eff was wrong with me the past 2 nights but I l-o-v-e my new tattoo!! I must have blown a fuse or something when I got all whishy washy about it. I'm wearing a skirt to the Reverend Horton Heat show tomorrow and that's all there is to it. It's party time and consider me the hostess!

Hey man, you got a quarter? I want to watch peep show #3. I think it's a real good one. Maybe get you turned on.

My usual "Chin up, young person" and "Buck up, little camper" go out to some of the Wrath Packers who seem to be stationed under a little black rain cloud these days. I wish I had some words of wisdom or comfort to dish out but nothing I say seems to do the quick fix trick. All I can do is try and be as retarded as possible and hope those who are down in the dumps can focus on the positive and say, "Boy, at least I'm not HER. Things are looking up!". Sunny days are ahead folks, trust me. I'm always right.

I don't want to know your name! I don't give a FUCK what your name is!

And to start the ball of entertainment rolling right along, let me just tell everyone that I swallowed one of the balls from my tongue barbell while I was eating cookies today. I'm fairly certain that it will find a way to tear a hole in my stomach and that I will be rushed to the hospital for emergency surgury which I will die during. So I'll tell you now that it was nice to know you all. And if I DO manage to survive, Meg-Dog is the only person who is allowed to feed me ice chips!

The Harlem Globetrotters just held a press conference to announce that I'm a JIVE SUCKER!

8 June 2004---2:43p

Behind every great man, there's a woman rolling her eyes.

I was informed today that not only did William Shatner star in the after school special version of "Go Ask Alice" that I never saw but that the whole diary of Alice herself was a FRAUD! My whole reality has bee crippled by Meg-Dog's decision to do literary research rather than search for jobs. DAMN YOU ALICE! Or whatever your name REALLY was!! It was probably written by some balding old man who likes to smoke pipes and buy gifts for his grandchildren and NEVER tried smack OR got raped up the arse by his female boss and her boyfriend. Sigh...

What did you say? Sch-fifty five! Girlfriend's age? Sch-fifty five! My IQ? Sch-fifty five!

So I got a new tattoo on the back of my calf...a dagger with roses and wings and junk. I was obsessed with it when it was on the tracing paper but now that it's on my leg, I can't stop crying. I don't know what to do and it's making me physically ill (though I should note that it is good solid work). The roses don't really look that traditional (as I requested) and the vines-n-thorns remind me of Ravenna white-trash tattoos. I like the top portion but that's not much help when it takes up the majority of my leg. I wanted it to be ultra-traditional...I'm hoping things can be added and colored to spice it up but I'm clueless. I needed my husband's help (as he is the expert in this field) but he doesn't seem to want to get involved or to help me figure this out at all (but he would like to say "I told you so" which also upsets me). I'm going to have to wear pants for all of eternity. I'm going to cry again.

2 days until the Reverend Horton Heat show! Sch-fifty five!!

I'm in a slump. I need back up. I don't know where to get it. Things I am currently worried about: money, car insurance, health care, moving out of this cesspool, my marriage, car troubles, my tattooing future, my weight, graduating, getting a job, my husband's stress levels, accidental pregnancy, my leg tattoo debackle, anxiety (yes, I'm worried about anxiety), my eyelashes

I have one foot in the grave. Sch-fifty five...

6 June 2004---12:36p

2 different pin-up style websites are interested in having me pose for them/send in photo sets. One of them is a paying gig and I'm pretty money hungry right now so if I have to show some skin to pocket some cash, so be it! TMFK is going to take my pictures which works well for me because I'm in no way embarrassed to be scantilly clad in front of her and she has a rad apartment to shoot in. This in NO WAY puts her down as I asked her to be my photographer, but I wish I could afford a professional to ensure professional grade shots. I guess that's what my husband and Photo Shop are for. Anyway, I'm pretty damn excited as I'll be the first to admit that I like to play dress up and pose. I'm a 5 year old girl like that...but with bigger breasts and less clothing.

Yesterday was pretty low-key but I dug it. Threw on some pajamas and hung at Switchblade's...watching flicks, eating pizza, napping, meeting his MOTHER! It felt very high school-ish except there was no intense making out or grunge rock involved. The ride home had me total obsessing over songs by The Exploding Hearts, The Mystery Girls, and The Muffs, the latter of which I enjoyed ten times more before I deciphered the words and realized that it's kind of lame. I think I've entered the babble zone.

It's not even 1:00p and Iim already totally bored and consumed with cabin fever. I want to get out of here but don't know where to go. Is it too early to go to bar...by myself...on a Sunday?

5 June 2004---12:50p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: Drags "45 x 3"

06! 05! 04! OH MY!!

I had a rockin' good time last night. Good music, cool people, fun atmosphere...sure, Ben didn't win the hot-dog eating contest due to a case of gravelly laryngitis and we had to compete with the g-funk thugs next door who tried to out-rock us but those were small sacrifices...and an all-around rad way to spend a Friday night. I usually don't get out on Fridays but it was well worth it just to see my honey in Ben's denim Slayer jacket! F-O-X-Y!! I felt like I was in high school again. Pitter patter!

KICK FIGHTER! KICK FIGHTER!

Last night also presented an opportunity to join a new all-girl band that Lisa Marie has in the works. I practically pounced at the opportunity to be reunited with the thumpin' old bass and FINALLY get a band rollin'. Brodie and I discussed how many "fake bands" we'd been in and it made me both embarrassed and sad...but the beer helped move those feelings right along. I like to rock. Some say it's a disease. Dig it.

Switchbalde is in love with a taken lady which drove him to drunken insanity where he thought it was a good idea to scream "CHRISTINA! CHIRSITINA!" out his apartment window at 1:00a. But as I have recently learned from Switchblade, bad ideas may seem like good ideas when you're drunk. And she was a fun, nice, pretty gal which makes it even more of a kick in the teeth. But I gotta say, don't mess with a lady who's spoken for...it only leads to trouble (or in my case, marriage, but that's a rare occurrence)!!!

So, it looks like I'm single for the remainder of the weekend as my handsome hubby has high-tailed it to Killoumbus to get a tattoo of a sophisticated shark wearing a top hat and monocle. He's a classy guy...my husband...and the shark. What will I do with myself? So far, I've made homemade cheese soup and watched Futurama (Futurama back piece is in the works! Choke on that, Casuality!). I'm leaving the rest in Switchblade's hands as he is my constant companion. To wrap it up, I'm feelin' good! I'm feelin' fine! June may very well be the best month of the year thus far. And The Reverend Horton Heat and TMFK's B-Day Luau are right around the corner, taunting me to PAR-TAY!

Soup's on!!

4 June 2004---2:27p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: The Fuses "Are Lies"

Today I was involved in the fight to end all fights...and it practically ended my marriage (which I was informed had been hanging by a thread)...but I think it was EXACTLY what we needed. I'm not even effing around! There were nasty words thrown around and tears and hurt feelings and now I think I feel better than I have in a year, no joke! I feel like I just had a rapid detox and any poison invading my body was sucked right out. It's an incredible feeling. Really rad. K-rad!! Now I predict nothing but blue skies and smooth sailing as long as we both keep up our ends of the bargains we made. YEEHAW!

EVERYBODY'S GOING TO A BIG FUCKIN' PARTY TONIGHT! Gettin' dolled up. Hittin' the town with my fellas. Don't expect me home 'til dawn, folks. I'll have my dancin' shoes on! And I'm feelin' alright!

1 June 2004---5:10p

Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Lacey Hated's Disease
Cause:	bad alcohol
Symptoms:	sudden foot numbness, howling at the moon, chest pain, excessive urine colour changes
Cure:	expensive biofeedback devices
Enter your name, for your own diagnosis:

1 June 2004---3:28p
MUSIC TO BLOG BY: The Metric "Old World Underground..."

ALOHA JUNE, thanks to Mr. Loomer who rules the months here in Rock-a-Hula-Ville.

Liquid Nitrogen is NOT my friend. It smokes, it sizzles, and it hurts. Don't let people lie and tell you it's just "very cold". Those people are jerks. Liquid Nitrogen is the biggest jerk of them all.

Julia Roberts is pregnant with twins. Two more reasons I'm glad I'm not her.

I have an awesome new sewing machine and you don't. It's the "fold-into-the-table" kind which is boss! I'm going to sew back patches (which I loaded up on thanks to angryyoungandpoor.com) on a majority of my jackets. It is frightening how fun this sounds to me. I have a lot of jackets and together, these jackets and I have goals and ambitions, at least for the time being.

Someone knocked on my door today and I decided to boycott answering it because I am the biggest jerk alive, second only to Liquid Nitrogen.

I don't know what's going on with my pseudo-apprenticeship at the tattoo shop. Everything was going swimmingly (after pestering my "boss" about getting the ball rolling) for exactly one day. I thought I had accomplished a lot, worked hard, did what was asked of me, but there's no day 2 in sight! I feel that every time I inquire about what's next, I get jerked around. I would be treated totally differently if I were a regular old shmuck-off-the-street apprentice rather than someone's wife. That makes me expendible and I'm not being taken seriously which is really irritating. I was barked at for even considering going somewhere else to learn yet I'm not learning anything now. A little more enthusiam and support coupled with a little less jerking around would be nice as well as appreciated but I don't have high hopes.

Back To The Beach comes out on DVD today. I've only been waiting since 1987!

18 short days until the Anti-Elvis Blue Hawaii Luau in honor of TMFK's entrance into the looming and boiling doom that is being 25. My gift to her? A swift kick for even considering coupling this event with mocking The King. Regardless, I am sincerely looking forward to this event as I won't have to worry about being anyone's designated driver. HOT DOG! Is it true? You bet your sweet ass it is! AND I'll be coming from a wedding with an open bar!! HOT TAMALE! X-Mas is coming early for Mrs. Haidet this year! ALOHA, Y'ALL!!!

The Knife is my date for the Reverend Horton Heat show. We're going to paint the town blood red. How do you like us now?